Today, 1st Sept 2015, I have completed 10 years in my organisation. Quite an eventful journey it has been. From a fresh college past out to a senior consultant in my field, has been a phenomenal growth. I was overwhelmed today as my team gave me such a wonderful surprise. The decorated my workstation, gave me flowers, chocolates every hour, and soulful messages across whiteboard. It was really an honour for me.
Being emotional and sensitive are integral part of my nature, however this “flipside” rarely comes on the surface. May be its because of the unnecessary burden that I carry – I feel being senior (and the principal of bunch of naughty kids), I have to sound and look matured person. Last week, two of my senior team members quit and during the farewell meeting, I realised all my team members have such a good bonding, as friends and outside office. Buddies thats what they mentioned.
10 long years, I have been here. A fresher, with no prior work experience and full of energy and enthusiasm and probably had all the time in the world to play carom, and TT in office. Of course, after finishing the task at hand, which at that time, was like just another technology thing for me. Over the time, the passion towards work increased and the result was the Consulting Team came into being and thanks to efforts of all of us, it has been evolving and growing and will continue to grow.
The fact of life is I have secluded myself now, at times because I have to and other times because I think I have forgotten how to “humanize”. The ever smiling and easily approachable person, over the period, became a serious and no nonsense person. While this transition, did prove beneficial in some ways, the biggest loss probably was the emptiness that it created within.
Marriage and kids and all definitely are big milestones in one’s life. In fact for me, marriage resulted in more freedom and madness, as my husband has been my partner in crime. Things which I never did earlier like going out at midnight for a long drive, or for an ice-cream, having a drink, going on trips without having any booking etc etc., I ended up doing only later. Even my work, my travel – probably increased then as the consulting team itself was booming.
Then came my little one and that transformed my life. I feel I am in the same state when the Consulting team was created. Both are my babies. Nurturing them, ensuring their growth, making them independent, taking a back seat to let them lead etc. Is to be done for both. Probably, the experience of setting up a team, already gave me training for being a mom. The experience of 2 years of being a mom tells me office work is far easier though.
My team always has kind and good words to say about me, and that in fact makes me more jittery. It makes me realise about the responsibility I carry and that how important it is for me to be disciplined and may be also strict at times. Again a same thing, which as a parent I have to be careful about. If I don’t well behave, I cannot expect anything different from my kid. Fortunately, she is not all my genes, and so I have her father to pass on the blame for all the bad manners that she has.
Leaders and managers, have to set examples and have to be someone whom the team can respect. I remember once my husband was looking for a job change and he got to know that his reporting manager would be someone he had worked with in the past. He told me that fellow knows nothing about the job and so how can I respect such a person and work under him. That’s one feedback which I always try to achieve.
In the pursuit of doing all this, and trying to be the “ideal” colleague to work with, I landed up being unsocial. Balancing personal and professional life, I haven’t been able to manage. Now that I am trying to balance, the reality again hits saying you have nothing much to pursue. And therefore I get all these emotional pangs.
This post is dedicated to all my colleagues, my team members and to my seniors. Its because of them, what I am today. They have contributed to my growth and owe much more credit and appreciation than I do. No words can ever express fully my gratitude towards them. Thank you all and wish you the lifes best always