Its jealousy on my mind

Call it coincidence or perfect planning of God, yesterday I think it was one of those days when I was feeling jealous and I receive an alert from Huffington Post about an article on how to deal with jealousy !!! HP guys.. are you mind readers too??

While I am admitting I was jealous, to arrive at this conclusion was not easy. First I had to overcome my ego. My mind plays funny games with me. Whenever I am taken over by the jealousy feeling, my mind (or rather my ego) tries to convince me that mine is a “good” jealousy. Jealousies are of two types – Good and Bad. Good means you just feel it and don’t act on it, while bad means you act on it which could harm others. This is s**t. Jealousy is never a good feeling. It releases and builds up only negative energy and hence it is important to first understand and accept this feeling and then act to do away with this feeling.

I was initially confused between jealousy and inferiority complex. I though I have later. Well my thinking is right, not my confusion. There is cause and effect relationship. Inferiority complex is the cause and jealousy is the effect.

Why was I jealous? By openly putting my thoughts on internet, am I doing something wrong? Am I exposing my negative side to the world? Doesn’t matter. I guess being true to yourself is more important, than whether accepting it in private or in public. My experience since I have started blogging is that public forum has proved more effective for me.

Since the time I have had baby, there has been a shift in my priorities. I am unable to allocate time for keeping myself updated about the developments in my work area. I do, but not as much I would want to do. Earlier my life was skewed towards office and so now I am consciously trying to achieve some balance between professional and personal life. I am still struggling to reach that level and so at times professionally I feel I am lagging behind. This gives the way for jealousy feeling to creep in.

The cycle usually is, I start feeling I dont know things, and hence I am not meeting expectations of my seniors and what my position demands, I sulk on it, I see others excelling in their work, and I feel why cant I, and hence get jealous. I realise this, waste my time feeling bad about it and thereby feeling more jealous. Then comes the tipping point. And I am back to square one.

Now that I know the cause, better I work so that my inferiority feeling itself can go away.

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