My lil one… Know what.. I love you.. It has been just a few months that you have entered my life.. But seems.. We have been together all along.. When I look at you smiling sweetly.. Getting excited when you see me.. That moment.. I forget everything else.. Only focused on you.. Feel like hugging you, holding you close.. Kissing you.. Which I do many a times.. At that point of time.. I am only a mother.. Nothing else..
After a long tiring day at office.. When am back at home.. N see u jumping up and down with joy.. When you see me.. All the tiredness just goes away.. And I feel refreshed.. I now wonder.. How were things before you !! Because of you.. I feel like coming back home at the earliest.. As I know someone is waiting for me.. Someone would be there at home to welcome me.. And smile at me… .
Quite some time that I was thinking to write to you.. I know you won’t be reading anything that I write now.. At least for a few coming years.. However while the feelings and emotions are fresh in my mind.. I want to share.. I want to express.. And also I want to confess.. That’s probably the most interesting part..
Know what honey, I strongly believe in power of subconscious mind.. And so in the powerful saying.. when you want something the universe conspires to make it happen.. Way before getting married, whenever I used to visualize my future, I had set kind of plans.. What I want to do.. Which year I want to get married.. By when I should have baby… I had noted this down somehwere.. Later on once I started working, was involved in my work, my office, my further studies, I completely forgot about it.. Then I got married.. Life was on a high growth path.. I think now I can probably say, though married we were still focused on careers, work, travel etc. nothing really thought about having baby.. And yes, you came as a surprise..
The initial time till my reports were not confirmed.. I was not sure.. Whether I was prepared for it.. Having a kid is a big decision.. It shifts your life to a different domain.. Was I ready it.. I don’t know.. Your dad used to tell me.. Don’t worry.. Let’s enjoy this phase too.. And it took me some time to sink in this feeling. I was working on a project hwich required frequent traveling outside the country, and so I was concerned how will the work happen, if my results are positive.
Now with experience of course I can say, time and tide stops for none.. Work continues to happen.. But at that point of time, yes I had this concern.. In fact, my bosses told me.. Don’t think about work now. Once you start knowing your mom, you will know why was I worried..
I was out of town when I was overwhelmed by this anxiety. As it is I am an emotional person, being far off.. Alone.. Just worsened my situtation.. Then I came back.. We went on a vacation.. Adventurous vacation it was.. While trekking I fell down twice.. Big falls.. And that made me concerned.. Would something have happened to my kid..
While I was almost sure that I was expecting, hadn’t been to doc yet, and plan was to visit once I am back from vacation..
Though I was anxious about having baby.. The process for concern and protectiveness has already started.. I wanted you to be safe.. I noticed that change in my thoughts.. Then I had been to some place to attend an wedding, and the state of roads was so bad, it made me worry again..
After all such adventures and being careless about traveling, finally I went to doc.. To get the confirmation.. I was blushing.. Couldn’t think.. How should I share this with aai, baba. Shweta.. Your dad dint even help me !! Was just looking at me.. And dialing numbers 🙂
This was just the start.. And then suddenly I found.. The plan which I had made for my life.. It also included some material things like black leather bag, honda city car, and a diamond ring. I was shocked as I realized, events have happened in my life.. As I had planned for.. The year.. The dates.. Everything was same.. And also I do possess the material things that I had listed down. I never had seen the note afterwards, and still things happened
That’s the power of subconscious mind.
Hey kid,, I know I am mixing different things here.. Instead of one letter.. Let me write a series.. That will also give me scope to write more 🙂
And remember.. Always remember.. Mamma loves u…