The good old story about optimism and pessimism.. And also perfectly defines my perspective in the recent times. Have been looking at the empty portion and feeling depressed instead of looking at the half full glass and feeling blessed.
I was off-FB for quite a long period of time, mainly because looking at the snaps of others.. I used to feel sad.. Thinking.. I am not enjoying my life the way I want to.. Over a period of time I guess.. I got over this feeling (or should I say got used to) and again was on FB.. Today again the I was overwhelmed while looking at some snap of my school mates and they all enjoying together.. And that was it..
I had a very few friends at school or rather only one friend.. Who is now abroad.. A few months back she had come over here, but during her 6 weeks stay, we barely managed to spend a few hours together.. Whatever time spent was in public gathering.. Of course we are in touch.. Thanks to advanced modes of communication.. But somehow the magic of face to face meeting doesn’t get created. The silence between us also spoke a lot.. I miss her a lot.. Sometimes so much.. That I avoid contacting her thinking if I touch base with her.. I will realise my emptiness even more.. I know my logic (if at all it can be called as logic) is very weird at times…
Similar case for my spouse as well.. He doesn’t like himself to be clicked.. While I always want our photographs together.. Of course when I insist, he allows me to bully him.. Well I know that’s wrong on my part, still I believe photographs help to store the beautiful moments.. But when I am a low mood these same photographs makes me feel worse thinking those good times are lost..
All minds play !!!
I am consciously aware that my thinking goes in wrong direction and I should not be carried in away in the mood.. Still I end by sulking and spoiling everybody’s mood.. Is something wrong with me?? What’s the point of reading self-help n improvement books when I can’t implement the same when I should be.. And here I start off again with negativity..
Another resolution for this year, if I am consciously aware of things that I am doing .. Which ideally I am not supposed to.. Or I am not comfortable with.. I will avoid doing it..